How to treat with Dutch 1

This blog is a good one for everybody who is having the plan to come to Holland.
I found it at Internet and it's telling some very funny things about Holland, seeing from the eyes of a foreigner.
I translated it into English, hoping it will prepare you a bit ;)

And remember, i'm not like that, it's about some standard-Dutch or something, you are doing very good hahahaha because i like you!! Most of it doesn't really matter to the most Dutch i think, or i hope, but it's very funny to read for getting to know that weird, small country where, one way or another, are living 16 million people!

1) Most foreigners (foreigners in this blog means people who are from other countries than Holland) call everything that is from Holland Dutch. Don't do that. Dutch reminds the people to "Duits" (= German) what is used for Germans and other things they hate.

2) When you are a foreigner, never try to speak Dutch. You won't only get a huge headache of it, the Dutch won't even understand you. Foreigners have to speak English or gibberish. In the last case they are an easy goal for pickpockets, because they are not able to go to the police.

3) Never try to eat liqourice. It is a candy that only Dutch can eat. You can recognise it by the colour: black. The taste is a mix of earwax and ink. Dutch are really mad of it and eat kilos a person every year. There is a plot between all the people to look at the faces of foreigners who got to believe you can eat it.

4) Don't buy wooden shoes. They will look ridiculous to you. And that is the reason they try to sell it to you. A Dutch himself would never want to be found dead in those things (he actually would never want to be found dead...)

5) Don't make wholes in the dikes. The people don't like that at all, and in the worst case you end up being thrown dead by wooden shoes. But feel free to put your finger in them, when you just need to do that. In that worst case you only get a lot of laughters from the natives.

6) A Dutch is always right, and he knows that. When you are remembering this, it's very easy to treat with the most Dutch. Whenever you get a fight with a Dutch, just tell him that he's totally right and that you now see you're not right. Now he will totally become crazy: Because you are a forgeigner, you can't be right. You agree with him. That's why he can't be right. Impossible! He's Dutch. But... Then... He... Now it's time to watch from a small distance how he tries to strangle himself with a tulip.

7) Mills are inevitable.

8) You don't need to act like you are interested in tulips, mills, wooden shoes or cheese. Every Dutch knows you've come for the drugs or the red-light-districts. Both are there in huge quantities and easy to find. Just ask every Dutch older than 6.

9) Always avoid footballfans. Football in Holland is just an excuse for hitting every other's brains, inclusive yours. Most of the times it happens when one's team has lost, or had the same score as the other team, or when it has won. It's very foolish to stand with a policeman, during these situations (see point 10). And remember never to mention the final or 1974 nearby a Dutch. He will immediately give you a long story about how good the Dutch team was that match and how unbelievebly good...... blablabla

10) Policemen in Holland are most of the times used to throw things to. If you feel like hitting someone, take a policeman. Not a single Dutch will pay attention when you hit a policeman or kick him in his nuts. Policemen represent authority and not a single Dutch recognizes a higher authority than himself. It will strike on you that most of the policemen are foreigners who they attracted in this job.

Next time point 11 to 20!!!
xxxxxxx Marloes <3